…and I don’t feel like writing it down, figuring out the number of points it equals, or wishing I hadn’t eaten it.  Guess what?  Peanut M&Ms are amazing!  As are peanut butter filled pretzels, hot dogs, chai tea lattes, and pizza.  Consuming all of these things in the same day might lead to an explosion of some sort, but having them every once and a while, I have decided, really isn’t a bad thing.  Well…it’s not terrible, anyway.

What is a girl to do when she obsesses about her weight and body but would rather not?  Momentary moments of enlightenment arise here and there where I…I mean, a girl, decides that her body is actually pretty OK, especially compared to how it was before the “one portion=the size of your fist” trick.  Unfortunately, these moments are severly outnumbered by the doubt-filled, obsessive, just plain sad thoughts of inadequacy and self deprecation.  I’m perfect the way I am, but if my thighs could just not touch as much and if I looked as good in a bikine as the girl under the blue umbrella, then things would really be OK.  I’m the first one to evaluate someone I just met based on their size, but only as how it comes to my own.  Kate Middleton has gotten WAY too thin, but it would be nice if I could have such a tiny waist.  Again…bathing suit season (clearly invented by men).

This is not a post about how I overcame my body image issues.  I proclaimed in an early post that I would try to be as honest as possible to you, my gorgeous just the way you are readers.  I’m not really sure what I hope to accomplish with this post, and if I click “Publish” it’ll be a miracle worthy of a national holiday (maybe even one when the banks close!).  I suppose the point of writing it is to admit that yes, I have a body image problem, and no, it is not something that I can/want to just live with forever.

Hopefully one day I will be able to accept my body…or figure out how to get a 6-pack…shit…no…I mean self-acceptance!…This is going to take a while.

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