I had a VERY busy/fun weekend with friends and family.  A wedding weekend without the wedding, if you will.  Bridal shower followed by engagement party followed by excellent deep dish pizza at Giovanni’s Pizza in Southington.  As fun as the weekend was, it was also exceptionally tiring thanks to all of the New England driving I did. (OK, I know I said no talking about the weekend, but allow me one complaint…WHY do New Hampshire malls, or should I say, the mall in Manchester, NH, open the big department stores and Auntie Anne’s before noon, but the other stores don’t open until noon exactly??  The poor Foot Locker employee looked so sad standing outside of his store, in his black and white striped shirt, bars shutting him out of his source of income.  Almost poetic.  Almost.)

Perhaps the most daunting part of the weekend, and yea, I know this will sound a little sad, was being surrounded by rED sOX FANS.  This a species that I have heard much of, but admittedly have not spent much time with.  They don’t usually migrate south of Hartford…thankfully.  Yankees fans and red sox fans have a lot in common.  They are both incredibly passionate about their teams and appear to have a part of the brain that does nothing short of explode when the other team is even mentioned.  At this point I really couldn’t give two and a half craps about the sox themselves (cough cough 86 years cough cough you’ll never be us hack).  I’m fairly certain that not even the most relaxing and enlightening yoga practice could make me a nicer person when it comes to this rivalry.  For me, baseball trumps enlightenment any day of the week (especially during the post seas0n).

When my shit-talking is geared towards baseball rivalries, it is really geared towards the fans.  Not the individuals…I won’t disown friends or family members because of their loyalties.  But when it comes to the big crowd of red sox fans…those baked bean eating, most f-ed up accent in the country sounding, couldn’t survive a day in manhattan sox fans…

…well, that happens.  I’M SO MEAN!  Are ALL Yankees fans mean??  Do I even mean what I say??  When it comes to red sox fans…absolutely.  Sorry.  Hate to generalize but I recognize when it is necessary and so should you.  My boss…the guy who could fire me, is a big sox fan and yet I go head to head with him when the subject arises.  Fire me, but fire me because my team is better than yours and you know it and if there’s one thing that’s more difficult to break out of than jail, it’s being either a Yankees or red sox fan.  After a bartender in New Hampshire saw my New Jersey license this weekend he immediately grouped together his stereotypes.  I had already done the same thing about him when as I ordered my Sam Adams Summer I never took my eyes off of his sox hat.  I proceeded to mock them every chance I got.  The bartender was a good sport and still poured some excellent Jack & Cokes, but I knew that if I’d said what I’d said at the Sunset Bar & Grille in Boston, MA, I’d have been taken to Fenway PAAHHHHk and been locked away in the lower levels where they keep the red sox paraphanalia…a true punishment.  Maybe New Hampshire is a little more low key about this rivalry.  If you’re too stoned to open your malls before noon then you’re probably too stoned to care about sports, let alone sports rivalries.

The Yankees/red sox rivalry is not about coming together for the love of the game.  It’s not about recognizing the accomplishments of both teams and saying “hey, see you in March”, or letting a red sox bartender do his job without mockery.  It doesn’t matter whose turf you’re on.  Bleeding blue and white and bleeding whatever the hell the sox are…orange and lavender?…once it’s with you it’s with you.  Let’s leave that pathetic display of surrender and “friendship” to the Mets and Phillies fans…

 

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